Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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