i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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