Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
im on a boat
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