Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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