Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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