Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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