Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
