I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
