Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
