My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
