so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
