Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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