As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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