Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
