what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize