You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
