The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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