also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize