Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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