She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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