I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
