So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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