i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
