I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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