Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
