apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
