don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he thought i was a dude.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
