his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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