I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Mom said you looked used
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
