there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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