I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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