His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize