last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
