Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think I just shit out all my problems.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
