He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
