she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
