I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
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