Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
