totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She tied me up with her honor cords...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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