From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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