He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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