You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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