awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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