i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
