I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
