The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
