i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
