sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
