He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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