I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
