I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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