he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
