break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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