what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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