Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize