I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Terrible idea I love it
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
