So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
