feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
