I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
