she woke up with a sticky ear
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
