the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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