You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
