I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize