your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
