So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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