i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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