and she was petting her beer can
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
