just tell him i said nine months
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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