maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
