the condom got lost in my hair
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize