don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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