I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize