Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize