Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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