It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Send help, water and tortillas.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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