I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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