Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
