Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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