after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
