We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
