Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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