Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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