So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize