I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize