somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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