When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
