when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So much rum. So many feels.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
