Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
