can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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