i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
