Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
