So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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