When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
