i need an iv and a liver transplant
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
