Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
