Sry I called you an 8
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
