i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize