I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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