I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
