____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
