I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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