Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
