There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize