A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
