Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
