my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
