why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
